From Roots to Wings: Nurturing a Stronger Parent-Child Relationship
Fostering a strong bond with your child is the most precious gift you can bestow upon them.
Creating a close connection with your child provides safety and comfort and assures them that they can confidently discuss their challenges with you. They know you’ll be there to soothe them, and this trust in your relationship sets the stage for their thriving.
Similar to any relationship, the connection between a parent and child can be fortified through simple habits that seamlessly fit into your daily life.
What defines good parenting? Decades of rigorous research provide a specific answer to this question, delivering a message of great hope. When we investigate why children thrive in various aspects of life — emotionally, socially, educationally, and so forth — it often comes down to whether they’ve formed a secure attachment with at least one caregiver who consistently supports them.
Good caregivers are attuned to their children’s needs about 30% of the time. Because of this, It’s essential to understand that being a perfect parent is not the goal; it’s neither necessary nor possible. What matters most is being present and responsive to your child’s needs most of the time.
As Daniel Siegal and Tina Payne Bryson aptly state in their book “The Power of Showing Up,” Children who build a secure attachment with their caregivers lead happier and more fulfilling lives. These bonds are formed when parents respond to the needs of their children by providing the Four S’s:
- SAFE: it’s about making your children FEEL safe and KEEPING them safe.
Practical tips:
- Create an environment of safety and security in your home. Creating an environment where children feel comfortable expressing themselves builds trust and security.
- Magical phrases that help us children feel secure and calm when facing difficult emotions: “I understand that you feel sad”; “It’s normal to feel this way”; “I feel the same when…”We should understand, know, and accompany our emotions and those of our children rather than trying to control and eliminate them. After all, emotions are the driving force behind our child’s behavior; if we understand the driving force, we can change the direction.
- Repair, repair, repair. What’s crucial is that, after a misstep or a breach in your relationship, repair. This dynamic is a key factor in early human development and directly translates into healthy relationships. Therefore, we’re not expecting flawless attunement from parents, but rather, we’re looking to see if they are flexible enough to dance with their child and repair when necessary.
2. SEEN Strategies. To love, one must know oneself and others. Scientific research has demonstrated many neurological benefits of feeling seen and valued as children and promoting self-esteem, confidence, and trust in others and oneself.
Practical tips:
- Ask them about their day and show interest in their activities. Ask them to show you things they have learned: dances, painting, songs.
- Dedicate moments to observe your children closely. Invest the time to genuinely see and comprehend their experiences, setting aside preconceived notions and refraining from hasty judgments.
- Talk to them about your day, such as the best moment of your day, notable accomplishments, or any challenges you have had and how you faced them. By opening up about yourself, you demonstrate to your child that you hold them in high regard as an individual and you trust them enough to confide in. This act deepens your connection and underscores their significance in your life.
3. SOOTHING strategies: calm techniques for fostering self-soothing from within.
Practical tips:
- Extend Your P-E-A-C-E: When your children are distressed, provide them with your presence, engagement, affection, calm, and empathy.
- Demonstrating healthy behaviors and coping mechanisms sets an example for children to follow. Kids do what they see, more than what they are taught. Lead by example.
4. SECURE strategies
Practical tips:
- Build a Foundation of Trust in Your Relationship: Whenever your children seek your support, and you are there for them, it strengthens their trust in relationships. Think of it as making regular deposits into your trust account.
- Being emotionally present and responsive to a child’s needs helps them feel safe and valued.
In conclusion, nurturing a stronger bond with your child is a profound gift that will shape their lives meaningfully. This close connection provides them the safety and comfort they need to face life’s challenges confidently. Like any relationship, simple, everyday habits can strengthen the parent-child connection.
As backed by extensive research, good parenting revolves around forming a secure attachment with a caregiver. This consistent support is critical to a child’s well-being. It’s important to remember that perfection is not the goal, but instead, being present and responsive to your child’s needs most of the time.
By incorporating these principles and practical tips into your parenting approach, you’ll nurture a bond that will positively shape your child’s life for years.
Marie-Pierre Capeans — Psychologist.
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