How to Talk to Your Kids About Complex Topics
Bad things can happen to us, those around us, and the people we love. It’s a universal truth that I acknowledge, you recognize, and even your child is becoming aware of.
While it’s a natural inclination as parents to shield our children from harsh realities, to prolong their innocence and spare them the pain and helplessness that injustice can inflict upon us, the truth is that children can sense when something is off. Sometimes, being honest with them is kinder and safer than keeping secrets.
In the field of psychology, ongoing discussions emphasize the importance of honesty, with the consensus that honesty is almost always the key. However, it’s crucial to consistently tailor the information and details to your child’s age and capacity to comprehend complex situations. Also, it’s essential to separate the harmful acts of people who commit them.
Admittedly, putting this into practice is easier said than done, especially when the topic involves personal experiences such as complicated relationships with parents, spouses, or war. Allowing yourself time for preparation is crucial, ensuring you are calm and certain about your decision before broaching the subject with your child.
The concept of mirror neurons highlights how children can discern their and others’ emotional states. Because of this, it’s essential to be honest with them and to convey a sense of calm and security when discussing complex topics. Children can pick up on these emotions and may start acting agitated, anxious, or troubled. Unlike adults who can articulate their feelings, children often express themselves differently. They might act out at school or home, face attention problems, or exhibit behavioral changes.
For moms, dads, and those who care for children, supporting a child in dealing with difficult situations — while handling their own emotions — can pose a real challenge. Even though discussing such events may be tricky, communicating openly is essential to making children feel secure and alleviating stress. Therefore, encourage them to ask questions, express their feelings, and work together to navigate the challenges. Validate what they are feeling and acknowledge that, like adults, they also need time to process emotions.
Maintaining a consistent routine provides a sense of stability for them. However, it’s equally important to instill in them that they can regulate their emotions, identify their emotional state, and express their needs in the moment. This foundation of emotion regulation is a valuable gift for your child. To instill this foundation, ask them: What are your feelings? What do you need right now? Where do you feel it in your body?
It is undeniable that supporting a child through challenging circumstances while managing our own emotions remains an ongoing challenge for caregivers. Though daunting at times, engaging in open communication is a crucial pillar in fostering a secure environment and cultivating emotional regulation and resilience. Just as we strive to protect our children from the harsh realities of life, we must also recognize the profound impact that honesty and emotional transparency can have on their well-being.
Through these conversations, marked by leaving space for questions and understanding, we can empower our children to navigate adversity and develop the emotional resilience needed to thrive.
Marie-Pierre Capeans — Psychologist.
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